Monday, November 8, 2010

Why do YOU have cats????

When you think of all the reasons a person might have cats you think maybe:

funny personality
low time commitment
mostly self sufficient
apartment sized

Or if you are more practical:

less smelly than dogs
eat bugs
keep feet warm at night
scares away mice
eats mice to stupid to be scared

We have two cats. Two (2) (dos) (deux)

The water is there all day, I don't know why they both get thirsty at the same time
So imagine my surprise a year ago when we had ........ an effing mouse living in our house.  I lost my shit.  Bud was doing a lot of trap setting, not a lot of mouse catching.  I suggested putting the cat food away, eventually they would get hungry enough to DO. THEIR. JOB.  For some reason Bud didn't like my suggestion ( I still think it's good).  It took a week or so before he finally caught it.  Whew.

Then a week and a half ago I went to the kitchen to make lunch and out of the corner of my eye I saw movement.  I never really SAW anything, but I was pretty sure it was another mouse.  I pretty much stood in one spot crying for ten minutes.  So again Bud put out the traps, I glared at the cats and nothing happened.  Then one day I saw the bastard run across the counter.  Bud hurried an moved things off the counter while I stood on a chair screaming "There, there, there it is, there, there on the counter" in an endless loop.  He finally trapped it in a bowl and took it outside, he meant to release it over the back wall, but it got out in our yard.  Awesome.

Two days later Rigby (gray cat)  struts into the house with live mothafrackin mouse, and lets it GO.  In. my. house.  Luckily Bud saw it grabbed it by the tail, ran out and threw it way over the wall into the street.  (He is my hero, also he scrubbed his hands really good).  What kind of cat does that?  Srsly

Three days after that?  Chloe (orange cat) does the same damn thing during dinner.  I first ran screaming, but figured I better help catch it if we didn't want it in the house.  I grabbed a broom, Bud got a diaper and we chased it back and forth til Bud caught it.  It was d-e-a-d but Bud told Owen it was just playing dead, like a possum.  It would totally come back to life out on the street.

I hate my cats.  Obviously we need to keep the screen door locked because they can open it.  However, the children are not overly conscientious about keeping it closed.  Every time one of the cats comes in I check it's mouth before I open the door. 

Anybody want an extra cat or two?


Swistle said...

HA! Benchley has brought in FIVE mice and one mole over the last two weeks, so I FEEL YOU. If he caught them in our basement, then he is a good good kitty. But I think he catches them outside and brings them IN.

Joanne said...

Oh dear God. DEAR GOD. I don't have any pets now but I've always had cats and I am not that great with mice. My palms are sweating just typing this. Frankly, I think kids are gross enough without involving OTHER wildlife! I am thinking of getting a therapy dog for my son but I want to, like, guarantee that he will be a good dog and not mess me up worse than I already am. I think you are a brave soul and I think that husband of yours is like a VIKING or something.