Wednesday, July 9, 2008

How Do I Know?

I have two beautiful children (confirmed by outside sources) who on occasion make me crazy and usually make me exhausted. And for some reason I want another..... I can't explain it not even to my husband. But I need to try because the decision needs to be made soon. Our son just turned 5 and our daughter turned 2, I am 37 so the window is closing. Maybe throwing it out here will help me get a handle on it.



Owen is learning how to swim, even though he is nervous about the water he gets such a big smile on his face while he is paddling towards me, his joy in his accomplishment is undeniable. The other night he started crying when the movie he watched for a second time in three hours ended. When we asked what was wrong he said "sometimes when you watch a beautiful thing twice it makes you cry". He has been writing on every piece of paper he finds "I love my mom I love my Dad" then these pieces of paper find their way onto a dresser or counter or purse to surprise us later.



Maddie is learning how to skip, she runs from the kitchen to the living room and every other step she throws in a little hop and a huge smile. When she got home yesterday she bounded through the door ran through the house and started asking "where Owen?" She loves spending time with him, even though he torments her. When she asks her dad for something she lays her head on his lap with a smile to ask for it, where did she learn that? And when she asks for kisses she says "mama piss face, mama piss cheek".



Everyday is magical with them, how can I just say that's enough magic for me, I'm good for a lifetime. My husband says it doesn't matter how many kids we have I will feel the same. And he has a point....logically I can see it, but my heart just aches for another pregnancy. That first time you feel the baby kick, seeing their feet on the ultrasound, their old man face and scrunchy eyes when they are born, the ripply thighs and secret compartment neck folds. How does anyone stop?



When I think of Christmas thirty years from now, I feel another person there, it just feels like there is one more child waiting for us. Does that sound crazy? Anytime I mention a third child people act like I am crazy. They point out we have a boy and a girl, what more could we ask for, as if, because we have filled the gender slots we have nothing left to experience. Is it greedy to want more? Will our children suffer because we won't have as much money for them for college if we have another child?



My husband is happy with two. He compared the difference between two and three kids to the difference between buying ten acres and buying Kansas. However, he understands how much I would like another and is willing because he loves me. This makes me feel a lot of pressure, like I'm the only one making the decision.


Sometimes I see the wisdom in just two kids, especially when they are fighting with each other and Bud has class. If two drive me nuts does it make sense to have another? Also pumping at work....gahhhhhhh. Also having to lose the weight ago (ok still). But I think it is just cold feet because it is such a huge decision, and again, why am I allowed to make these life altering choices? Where are the grown-ups.

We have to have a sit down soon and make the final decision soon. I am a teacher and because of my AP classes both of my kids were born in May, after my AP kids take their exam and close enough to the end of the year that my maternity leave rolls right into summer. Then the babes were about 4 months before I went back to work. It worked well for both the other kids, but is it too much to have 3 May birthdays? Will this make people think we only like each other in August?

Oh, Internet tell me what to do. Like a magic eight ball!

12 comments:

Swistle said...

OMG, you and me both. I have FIVE and still want another one. I'm worried that it won't matter how many I have, I'll always want more---but children are a limited time offer, and I don't see how having more will HURT my life, even if it never fully satisfies me.

So of course my vote is go for it!

Lippy said...

So many friends talk about the extra money,lack of nice cars and furniture....but I don't care about those things. I never pictured myself as a person who would just keep going, but if time(my age) and money weren't issues I would have a lot.

Moderndayhermit said...

I've been considering another child but my biggest obstacles in thinking tend toward wanting to make sure I can afford the best education for the son I have, being able to take my child(ren) places to see historical ruins in India and various places in Asia and Europe and most important - time.

My pros tend toward my son having a sibling and how much fun it is as a kid and as an adult - even if you don't get along all the time.

Maggie said...

I'm here from Swistle's post, so it's not a big surprise that I agree with her. GO FOR IT! Have another! If you're lucky, it'll be twins and you'll end up with four children.
I'm the second of eight children (yes, in this day and age! And not even Catholic!)and I'm eternally grateful. My parents did not pay our way through college, and we didn't go on the luxury vacations some family's do. But oh, what fun we had at home. I got to help with so many babies and toddlers and never had the chance to grow into a selfish spoiled child. My brothers and sisters mean THE WORLD to me and I wouldn't trade a minute of my childhood. So, give your children a lifelong gift, have another!

Elizabeth said...

You got me when you said that when you picture Christmas 30 years from now there is another child there. I think that's the whole thing - distilled to its essense.

Also, I have a brother and a sister and I am eternally grateful for them - they got me through my childhood. They mean the world to me. I could not imagine life without either one of them.
Um, I think I just talked myself into having another baby. Hee.

Mommy Writes said...

This is one of those things where you "just know."

I have 3 -- Boy, girl, boy.

When I was pregnant with the 2nd, I thought that if she was a girl I would be done. She was, but I wasn't. I just didn't feel done.

When I was pregnant with the 3rd, I felt done.

It's all about how you and your husband feel. It sounds like he recognizes that you feel more strongly than he does, so he's leaving the final call to you. If you don't feel complete, go for it.

(Oh, and my two boys are 4.5 years apart and best buddies.)

Bethany said...

Wow... I am also here from Swistle's post, and this really struck me. I just had my first in February, and I have been reeling ever since.

But yesterday... oh, yesterday I held a brand new baby, and suddenly my sweet baby girl seemed so grown up, and I felt the pang. It's a pull... I think you know you'd like another.

Your thought about Christmas made me tear up. Really beautifully written! Good luck with your decision.

Lippy said...

Thank you all for your great comments.
Maggie- I think it would be great to come from such a big family. I watch movies that have big families and it looks like so much fun.
Moderndayhermit- these are the same issues my husband brings up about vacations and college.

Elizabeth- My brother and I get along great. And we always wish we had one more sibling.

Mommywrites, yes my husband is great. He can see that I will feel incomplete without a third, and figures he will certainly love another. Even if it is crazy around here.

Bethany- Congratulations on your little one! My mom wanted another when I was 3 weeks old, because I "was all grown up".

EMama said...

Even as a miserably pregnant woman, I vote for another for you. I came from a big family, too, and my siblings are my best friends. I think it would be rough always wondering what if? and I think when you're done, you know. At least my mom was that way. I remember before she got pregnant with my youngest brother she kept feeling like someone was missing at the dinner table. :)

Anonymous said...

This is obviously a tough choice....that being said, you can and would be perfectly happy stopping at 2 or going for 3. So you can rest assured that any decision will be the good one for your family.

I come from a family of 5 kids. We were a little bit unusual as the first three came in 5 years and then it was another 7 years before a (suprise) set of twins came along. I loved growing up in a big family and now as adults and almost adults (the oldest is 29, the twins are 16), we all really appreciate having so many siblings.

Anonymous said...

This is obviously a tough choice....that being said, you can and would be perfectly happy stopping at 2 or going for 3. So you can rest assured that any decision will be the good one for your family.

I come from a family of 5 kids. We were a little bit unusual as the first three came in 5 years and then it was another 7 years before a (suprise) set of twins came along. I loved growing up in a big family and now as adults and almost adults (the oldest is 29, the twins are 16), we all really appreciate having so many siblings.

Bunny said...

I have the same dilemma! I have a boy, 4 and a girl,2. I am pretty sure I want another, in fact we've stopped all birth control in order to have another. I know that I would love and welcome any child that was born into my family, so it is just a matter of dealing with the craziness. I also feel like now is the time to make that decision and if I don't I may regret it. I am only 29, so I have a longer window opening, but my husband is 33 and is ready to have another and then be done.
Also: I really want another boy since my first was such a good baby and easy child. My daughter has been much more of a challenge and so I am reluctant to have another girl. Logically I know that every child is different and so they will not necessarily take after the older sibling of the same sex, but still.
I also had a really tough time with the last pregnancy and postpartum, so I am wary of going back there and feeling like I am right back where I started depression-wise.
I am really consumed by this very issue!