20 Weeks

I hit the halfway mark on Christmas. This pregnancy has been very different from my last two. Partially it is because we are so busy with the other two kids. Mostly it is the variety of complications, that have made this pregnancy seem a bit unreal. We are still dealing with some uncertainties. This is hard for a control freak like myself.

Before my last ultrasound we found that my numbers were elevated for spina bifida. However on the ultrasound everything looked really good. We went ahead and had the amnio, I know a lot of people feel that whatever happens, happens and they wait until the birth. Bud and I are not those kind of people, if they could tell me right now, where the baby will go to college, who she'll marry etc. we would find out.

Aside from the genetic information given by the amnio, it would also give information about the AFP levels in the amniotic fluid. Those come back pretty quickly, then a second test, the AChE would look for spinal fluid in the amniotic fluid. (I am just going off memory here, so I could be a bit off) Those results take longer, but the test is more accurate a positive result indicates an opening in the babies spine. The AFP still came back really high, and when the AChE came in it was slightly positive.

The genetic counselor at the office is great, she really explains things and is willing to spend great amounts of time doing it. She and the doctor both believe the loss of the twin is causing the weak positive result. She looked into some research articles and said she found one that supports a weak positive, and she is speaking to the director of the lab to see if he has seen this before. The theory is that as the one twin is being reabsorbed, different proteins are being released into the amniotic fluid. We go in on the 8th for another ultrasound, hopefully everything still looks good.

I haven't been as excited as I expected. I know that this is my last, so I had hoped to enjoy it, but I am so worried about this baby, and still so sad about losing the other. At first I thought it was good that we hadn't known about the twins, because I thought it would have made it harder. But we still are dealing with the grief without ever having had the excitement so I don't think it would have mattered. We have told very few people, and some who have been told, seem a bit casual about it, like well at least you are still getting a baby. And I do feel lucky, that we didn't lose both, but it's still hard. Is it crazy to grieve what you didn't know you had?

Wow, great update. But the queasiness it getting better, and she is starting to kick around a lot more. Also she seems to enjoy abusing my poor bladder. I am anticipating the gestational diabetes coming back, so I am enjoying food while I can.